Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Commercial Incongruity

Since the weather has been so atrocious, I've been watching more television than usual. I'm totally appalled at the commercials I see. Herpes, erectile dysfunction and depression medications, tampons, feminine pads, botox, weight loss, intimate lubricant, and countless others. It's no wonder we have a society filled with dysfunctional, unaccountable, over-medicated people obsessed with their appearance.

Ladies, if you don't use Always Panty Liners with attached fresh wipe you won't smell fresh and no man using Viagra will yearn to be near you let alone try out his 4 hour erection.

If you have Herpes, be sure to still have intercourse, because although this medication will not stop the spread of the virus, it can help with those pesky break outs.

K-Y Intimate Lubricant will give you all day and night intimacy--men may need Cialis for this scenario since it works for up to 36 hours.

If you are feeling down take Cymbalta because it's the cure all-pill for depression, aches, pains, boredom and will even help you walk the dog!

Over-weight and hate exercising? No Problem-o! Pop a few Hydroxycut or Dexatrim pills and the pounds will melt away while you lie on the sofa gorging on Doritos and Pepsi.

Cover your body with Chanel No. 5, your face with Revlon Anti-Age Defying Foundation, your eyelashes with Maybeline mascara and lips with Clinique lipstick; color your hair with Preference by L'Oreal, because you’re worth it, and you'll be beautiful and flawless, and men will swarm to you like bees on honey, of course they'll have taken those Cialis pills, so make sure you're ready for 36 hours of fun!

Men once your hair plugs have healed, go finance that shiny red sports car. After all, a credit score of 750 is sure to lure the painted ladies that look so thin and smell so fresh!


The cosmetic industry is cashing in on our physical insecurities. They are raking in billions of dollars a year. And it's not just the cosmetic companies. The pharmaceutical companies are just as bad, if not worse. They make you feel like you need a pill because you cried on Monday. Or if your eyes are a bit dry, you better get a prescription for that, too. Maybe your eyes are dry because your office furnace is 100 years old and it's blowing allergens around all day.

There are some conditions that are just plain normal, but these companies would have you believe that you're anything but. It's sad, quite frightening really, that consumers actually believe the claims made on television, radio, print and now the internet. If there were such a pill that truly melted unwanted pounds without exercise, don't you think the physicians would have it and it would only be available by prescription? Or as they say--if something sounds to good to be true, it probably is.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Legislatively Lame

I‘ve decided that instead of being Politically Correct, I’m going to be Legislatively Lame. I’m sick and tired of labels, excuses and trying to remember the “correct” word and phrase for everything I say.

Could someone tell me why a person would want to be labeled manic? A vegan? A survivor of such-and-such abuse? Co-dependent? Why do people want to hand their power over to someone or something else? Where is accountability? Responsibility? Biting the bullet? Owning up to it? Those days are long gone, I'm afraid.

I’m teaching my children that we all have free-will and with that gift comes choices. The wrong choice can produce unpleasant consequences. When my son says, "It's not fair," I say, "You're right, it's not. It's life and you better get used to it." I don't want my sons to grow up wimpy. I want them to be men. Our society has emasculated our men. We want our men to talk about their feelings, cry, be emotional and wishy-washy. I want my man strong, confident and not be afraid to belt someone in the nose if the situation calls for it!

Men and women are different. We think, talk and act uniquely. It's our genetic makeup; you can't change us! And why would you want to? For Political Correctness? Now that's a crock. Why can't we call a spade a spade? If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, why do I have to call it a waterfowl? It's a damn duck! If someone has white skin then the person is white. If someone has black skin then the person is black. What is the problem with this? If a woman is a blonde and there are blonde jokes being told and she doesn't like them, why can't she just walk away? Or how about just laughing--they are funny. No, we have to scream emotional abuse and harassment and hire a lawyer. We have become a nation of cry-baby-finger-pointers.

Our insurance rates on vehicles and healthcare are sky-high. Why is that? It's not just the lawyers, either. A person can choose not to sue. If it's true negligence, then I'm all for suing. However, if I place a hot cup of coffee between my legs while I'm driving and get burned, I am not going to sue the coffee house. It was my own stupid fault. Judges need to start throwing ridiculous cases out of the court room. However, until we get judges with backbones, we have to accommodate everyone least we offend their nationality, race, hair color, or work ethic--or lack thereof.

Because if we offend someone they will become depressed and bedridden and have to under go therapy...and my goodness we better give them money so they can lie around and cry about their lot in life, because it would go against their right to pursue happiness if we told them to deal with it...life isn't fair!
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