A Sock Full Of Popcorn Over Obama

My husband and I are always complaining that WE aren’t ever involved in any of the polling that we hear about on the news.

Well, the other day I answered the phone and someone on the other end requested my husband. I asked who was calling, lo and behold, it was someone polling for the Obama Administration. I handed the phone to my husband saying, “Oh you’ll want this call!”

According to my husband, the conversation went like so:

Pollster: Will you be voting for President Obama this election?

My Husband: There’s no way in hell.

Pollster: So I can put you down for Obama then?

My Husband: I said no way. As a matter of fact, I would vote for a sock full of popcorn before I voted for Obama.

Pollster: I don’t think you can vote for a sock full of popcorn.

My Husband: I’ll write it in.

I have no idea what the pollster actually marked considering he didn’t take the first NO my husband told him, which makes me totally suspect of the polls the media spews.

 I believe I’ll ignore the polls and wait until the night of the election to see who the winner will be and if it’s a sock full of popcorn, we’ll know my husband was the deciding vote.

GOP Contenders Need Awesomeness Like Obama!

I just want to tell the GOP candidates currently running for the 2012 Presidency to STOP. You don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning.

According to the Left, EVERY GOP candidate is a stupid jackass and should go crawl under a rock, because none of them can walk and chew gum at the same time, let alone comb their own hair! And forget about speaking! They sound like Elmo with a wad of gum and crackers in their mouth, plus they can’t pronounce anything correctly. How could any of them stand up to Obama—the genius? He’ll wipe the floor with all of them at a debate, at the same time, with both of his hands tied behind his back, his eyes closed and his mouth duct taped!

We heard for years that Bush was a complete and utter moron even though he graduated from Yale. But that was ONLY because Daddy Bush purchased his grades! The man couldn’t pronounce nuclear, for Pete’s sake! Never mind that Obama mispronounced corpsman, not once, but two times…that was the teleprompter’s fault! The man went to Harvard! He’s a walking Einstein. No, we don’t have a clue what his IQ is or his grades at Harvard, but that doesn’t matter, and how dare you even ask, you racist! Look at him walk! He’s awesome! He reeks of awesomeness and if the Republican candidates even dream of defeating him, they are either certifiably insane or on drugs and the MSM will be all over that in a New York minute!

Don’t forget that Obama is the American dream come true, because he gave us Hope and Change. I know we’re still hoping the economy will turn around and the unemployment rate will change to below 9% and people will find jobs and stop losing their homes. But that’s Bush’s fault! I realize we’re hoping gasoline prices will fall, but Bush and his oil buddies don’t have enough money yet…those greedy bastards! And if we hoped enough, these things would change. If Bush would just go away all the hopey-changey-happy-feely would transpire!

People need to get their heads out of their butts and just look at Obama! He walks, talks, stands, stares and even stutters awesomely! There is NO way that sappy Gingrich is going to beat HIM! And Bachmann, oh right. That woman is so stupid— she can’t tell the difference between our Constitution and the Dictionary! But Obama, he’s a friggin’ Constitutional Scholar!

In short, the GOP sucks. They are ALL scum-sucking-heartless-granny-killing-poverty-inducing-rich-loving-brainless-wackjobs and should be thrown out on their ears. The party should be abolished because it’s useless! It hasn’t done a damn thing right in decades! It bankrupted this country with its deregulation and tax cuts for the evil rich.

So, GOP candidates, beware if you decide to continue down this path. It will be at your peril. Obama has it in the bag already…he’s a sure winner. His awesomeness will be the clincher! So, if you can find and buy yourself some awesomeness, do it, or else…

**Parody post, in case you didn’t know. I just had to write this considering I’ve been reading how the GOP candidates are being ripped apart already due to their appearance or their accent…and of course, every one of them are utter dolts, according to the Left. I have yet to hear one based on policy, which is what I thought it was about. I’m hoping it’s only because we still have a lot of time before 2012, because I’d hate to debate the Left on these non-issues, they are really silly.**





***Crossposted @ Rational Nation USA***

Money Tree

A secret source has revealed that Horticulturists have been secretly cultivating a special species of tree and it’s official. The Deciduous Wampum Contumacious is complete. The Green Team, a top secret team hired by Congress, has been working 24/7 and finally completed its creation well before schedule.

Thankfully, and not a moment too soon, because this 2nd bailout is costing taxpayers another 800 billion dollars. The only glitch in this miraculous situation is who is going to pluck the greenbacks from the branches. It’s been reported that top Horticulturists have been fighting amongst themselves, even resorting to calling one another names such as dirt bag, dandelion and even petunia! If this childish fighting doesn’t stop, and soon, there’s no telling when the bills will be plucked and if the fresh dollars will be delivered in time to save the Big Three.

When reporters questioned senior staff members about the deciduous factor of the trees they were told, “The Wampum trees bud and grow faster than Congress can spend or even print money. When the trees shed their greenbacks they fall to the ground and wrinkle, then we have to press them. Plucking the greenbacks from the branches is better because the bills look fresh. Like they were printed from the printing press.”


With Wampum Trees we can ditch the toilet paper and start using our money in the bathroom-at least it will be good for something.